Hitting the sharp thing on the flat part

Matt Taibbi writes about politics for Rolling Stone (the converse of my dream job, writing about music for The Economist, but I digress). He gained fame (or infamy, depending on your ideological leanings) in 2004 for his harsh, but honest, depiction of life on the road with the bumbling John Kerry campaign.

But Taibbi is no fan of the neocons and their hellspawn, a point he illustrated brilliantly in a recent article, "Giuliani: Worse Than Bush." In the piece, he portrays the former mayor of New York City as a conniving opportunist who got rich off 9-11, hopped into bed with anybody willing to write a check, and is now planning a Swift-Boat-style attack on Hillary Clinton, hiding behind a PAC ominously named "Stop Her Now" and funded by the same shadowy forces who so successfully smeared Kerry's military record.

Aside from his conclusions, however, I particularly enjoyed his ability to turn a phrase and distill an otherwise complex point down to a level that could be understood by anybody with better than a 3rd-grade reading aptitude. For example, here's his analysis of the secret to Bush's two-term existence in the White House, and how Giuliani is the perfect candidate to tap into that success:

"Yes, Rudy is smarter than Bush. But his political strength -- and he knows it -- comes from America's unrelenting passion for never bothering to take that extra step to figure shit out. If you think you know it all already, Rudy agrees with you. And if anyone tries to tell you differently, they're probably traitors, and Rudy, well, he'll keep an eye on 'em for you. Just like Bush, Rudy appeals to the couch-bound bully in all of us, and part of the allure of his campaign is the promise to put the Pentagon and the power of the White House at that bully's disposal."

Obviously, we live in a very superficial world, where style trumps substance at every turn and elections are decided by positing which candidate would be a more affable drinking buddy. That's not to say there are no legitimate reasons for voting for a Republican -- but millions of people who lined up behind Bush did so against their own economic and even social self-interests (hello, Log Cabin dwellers!). To use Taibbi's words, if they'd taken that extra step to figure shit out, they might have decided faux swagger and flag-waving make for good soundbites and 30-second TV ads, but comprehensive health care and a tax policy that doesn't favor the richest 10 percent of the country would actually improve their lives.

Thomas Frank addressed the issue thoroughly in his book, "What's the Matter with Kansas?" But that's the point. It took Frank an entire book to state his case. Taibbi summed it up in a paragraph. That's hitting the nail on the head.

My contribution to Timberwolves' history

All the KG talk has me recalling fondly my biggest contribution to Timberwolves history. It's really more of a KFAN history thing, since PA and Dubay play the clip constantly. When you hear Kevin Garnett say, "I'm not a stat guy. I'm a win ... I'm a win kinda guy," think of me and smile, because that was in response to one of my questions.

I was covering a game for the AP a couple of years back when KG had some kind of freakish statistical streak come to an end -- something like 34 straight games with a double-double and five assists or some quirky thing that the NBA tracks. After the game, the Big Ticket made the media wait while he took his customary 45-to-60 minutes to shower and dress and tether those softball-sized rocks to his earlobes.

Once the horde had asked their questions and moved on, it was down to me and a KFAN intern with a tape recorder. I asked Da Kid about the streak, if he was aware of it and if he was conscious of his numbers during the game (which, as I recall, was a comfortable Wolves victory, meaning he could have padded his stats if he wanted to). That's when he uttered his memorable quote, which Intern Guy captured for the annals of history.

So there you go. It's not quite as memorable as being the guy who stepped on Wally Szczerbiak's already-injured bare toes, but as locker-room stories go, it's all I've got. And whenever I hear that clip, it puts a little hop in my step.

Whither KG?

Once again, we've reached that magical moment in the NBA calendar when crazed wannabe personnel directors spend their waking hours positing trade possibilities and drooling over the idea of Star A playing with Star B on Team C. In other words, it's NBA Draft Week!

(BTW, baseball calls its offseason the Hot-Stove League, conjuring up images of the days when people huddled around pot-bellied boilers dreaming of baseball to stay warm in the winter. The NBA needs a similar name. How about "The AC League"? Sure, that would pretty much encompass all 12 months here in Satan's Tool Shed, but the rest of the country probably could relate.)

The local media out here, and the national talking heads on ESPN Radio, have filled the airwaves with KG trade talk in the past week. And the overwhelming sentiment I'm hearing is that the Wolves not only should trade KG to the Lakers, but they must make the trade, no matter what the Lakers are offering in return. I heard one loudmouth on ESPN Radio last night braying that the Timberwolves owe it to the NBA to ship Garnett to LA. He actually said they owe it to the league to make a deal, because the league was nice enough to grant them an expansion franchise in the first place.

Now, I realize talking heads are paid to be controversial, and I'm guessing this opinion was offered to stir up some chatter. But the Wolves would be foolish -- borderline criminal -- if they trade KG to the Lakers for the most recent reported offer: Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum, Kwame Brown, and the No. 19 pick in the first round of this year's draft.

Take a look at that package. Odom: has shown signs of being a serviceable second banana (coming to a team without a first banana, or even a first papaya), and he's one strike away from a one-year suspension for substance abuse. Bynum: completely unproven, quite possibly overrated. Brown: completely proven, in the sense that he's proven he is not an NBA player. No. 19 pick: does anybody have confidence that McHale would do any better with that pick than he's done in the past with the likes of Paul Grant, William Avery, or Ndudi Ebi?

Not to mention the fact that the Wolves wouldn't be unloading any of their rotten long-term contracts in the deal. I'd say this deal represents a far worse alternative to standing pat and losing KG as a free agent -- at least they're not taking on another team's problems.

I'd be fine with a deal that brings them a proven player (or at least a high-ceiling guy who's got a little experience under his belt), an expiring contract, and a top-10 pick -- something like Al Jefferson, Theo Ratliff and the No. 5 pick in the reported Boston deal (which would have to include another team because KG doesn't like chow-dah). But anything less -- and I mean anything less -- would be an insult to the few fans remaining at Target Center.

The Twins' next great slugger

He hit his first career double on Tuesday. He hit his first career triple on Sunday. His OPS (the trendy new stat, which measures on-base plus slugging percentage) is a hefty 1.089, easily the best on the team. And he's driving in a run every seven at-bats this year.

Is it time for the Twins to start using Johan Santana as their new designated hitter? Granted, we're looking at a pretty small sample size (seven at-bats) this year, but he's shown enough confidence and bat control to at least merit consideration as a pinch hitter in certain situations.

Right?

Searching for John Doe

"A Year in the Wilderness" is probably an apt title for a CD by a guy named John Doe, but if you're wandering through your local music store and you stumble across a copy of it, I heartily encourage you to give it a listen.

There's some good Replacements-era barroom rock, some dusty, soul-searching, Springsteenish acoustic grit, and a few other tasty licks, including "Darling Underdog," which features a quirky organ interlude that, coupled with Doe's rich baritone, echoes the Doors.

Which sort of makes sense, given the shared LA roots of the Doors and Doe's seminal punk quartet, X. In fact, X covered the Doors' "Soul Kitchen" and "The Crystal Ship," and Manzarek produced their first album, "Los Angeles." So maybe I'm not imagining things.

Anyway, here's my official review, so check it out.