Harpy's Bizarre

Let's get to Part II of "CNN Headline News: In the Cross-Hairs" (see below for a Glenn Beck dissertation). Today's discussion centers on Nancy Grace, the inexplicably employed host of an hour-long festival of schadenfreude and bad hair that airs nightly on CNN Headline News.

Grace likes to come off as a populist victim's-rights advocate -- unless, of course, the victim is one who's been wrongly accused of a crime. In her smugness, she often mistakes certainty for accuracy -- but of course, she's not alone in that camp. She's the perfect example, in fact, of the old saw that certainty is where you arrive when you're tired of thinking. And a look back at her track record reveals a number of wildly inaccurate accusations.

For example, she was certain that the handyman kidnapped Elizabeth Smart. (He didn't.) She was certain that the Duke lacrosse players were guilty. (They weren't.) She was certain that creepy John Mark Karr guy had killed JonBenet. (He hadn't.) She once grilled the mother of an abducted child, even though she wasn't officially a suspect. The woman subsequently committed suicide, and an episode of "Law & Order: SVU" was based on the incident. In fact, Grace has been parodied on a number of TV shows in the last year, my favorite being the "Gracie Jane" character on "Boston Legal," who shows up on TV discussing the cases being tried by the Crane, Poole and Schmidt lawyers and likes to scream "Gulity! Guilty! Guilty!" at the top of her lungs.

Anyway, I'm stuck watching Nancy Grace last night when I was on the treadmill, and she's hyperventilating about some story about a father who put his baby daughter in the microwave, and the wife who blames the devil for his actions. The kid survived, though with serious burns, and the dad is making a brief stop in prison on his way to eternal damnation. So, is this story demented and sad? Certainly. Worth more than a passing mention on a legitimate news program? Hardly.

Grace treated the story as though it were some kind of trend, or another example of "what's wrong with society today" that sensationalist pundits love to harp on ad nauseum. She even brought on an expert to talk about the case. You know, like when the President or a member of his administration uses the Constitution as toilet paper, a reputable news program might bring on a Constitutional scholar to discuss the issue. Or when a plane crashes, you might hear from a former FAA employee or a pilot or air traffic controller.

So who was the relevant "expert" in the baby-in-the-microwave case? Alas, the sound was turned down and I missed the graphic introducing this vital contributor to the conversation. Perhaps she was a Satanic blame-game scholar, or Lucifer's concierge, discussing the man's future accommodations at the Hell Hilton. Or maybe she was the author of a microwave cookbook. (Sorry -- but knowing Nancy ....)

The point is, here's Nancy Grace, once again appealing to the lowest common denominator by shooting more fish in a barrel. Nancy, baby -- we all detest people who put any living creature into a microwave. You're not breaking new ground here. It's not a new trend. Crazy people have done inexplicable things for centuries. All the self-righteous blather in the world, all the sensationalizing punditry masquerading as victim's-rights advocacy won't change that.

And please, do something about the hair.

UPDATE: According to the show's web site, I'll get another chance to find out who that "expert" was, because they're re-airing Thursday's show on Saturday night. Too bad I'm working out tomorrow morning. But it's nice to see CNN once again covering itself in glory in its noble quest to uncover the truth and spike its ratings.