Back from my NBC ban

I didn't want to point any fingers or make any excuses for my prolonged absence from the blogorama, but it's somebody's fault, so I'll just come out and say it: Screw you, NBC.

Taking a cue from the inimitable Ann Coulter, I too am outraged by the Peacock Network's decision to ban me from its numerous media platforms. I mean, that's the only conclusion I can draw from my continued absence from NBC's various shows. It must be a conspiracy to keep The Man (i.e. me) down. Because remember, I'm a man. That reality is no longer in doubt.

What other reason could the brain wizards at NBC, MSNBC, CNBC, NBC Sports, and Bravo have for ignoring my accomplishments and freezing me out of their programming? When I completed my triathlon, did I get an invite to the Today Show? When I hit my five-team NFL parlay, was I interviewed on Football Night in America (aka "Sunday")?

The answer to both questions, sadly, is a big, fat, resounding "no." So I've decided that I will no longer remain silent in the face of this obvious discrimination against Minnesota ex-pats in Las Vegas. Sure, maybe I'm just trying to grease the wheels for an appearance on the couch with Leno, Lauer or Conan when my first book comes out in June, but let's not automatically assume my motives are that cynical.

After all, it worked so well for Coulter. All she had to do was whisper into Matt Drudge's ear when her "Today" appearance was postponed, and 24 hours later, there was her enormous Adam's apple bobbing to and fro on the morning show.

So, I will continue to protest NBC's decision to deny me my rightful publicity by refraining from blogging until such time as they see fit to invite me to 30 Rock for a sit-down with Ann Curry, let me host "SNL" or cast me in the next season of "The Biggest Loser."

OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. I'll probably start posting here again on a regular basis very soon. But it still sucks.