MMM: The e-bola virus

Last week, we missed the Monday Morning Meltdown because I had contracted the e-bola virus. This week, the MMM will center on said virus, which has worn out its welcome in this house like a stoner brother-in-law who lays on the couch all day eating Funyons and watches CineMax until dawn.

Yes, the nasty little bug is still hanging on, and we're now officially on Day 9 and counting. Most of the worst symptoms have abated -- the chills, the body aches, the fever -- but I've still got the sore throat, runny nose and stuffy head. But worst of all is the chest congestion and cough that make every reasonably deep breath a potential adventure in technicolor.

Thanks to this country's fine, effed-up healthcare system, we once again had to switch doctors on Jan. 1, and I've yet to meet my new medico. I've got an initial consult set for next Tuesday (an appointment that has already been pushed back once by the office staffer who realized that she made the original appointment for me on a date when the doc won't be in the office), but I thought I'd call in today to see if there were any same-day appointments available.

Guess again. The nurse/receptionist/phone monkey I talked to this morning couldn't have been less sympathetic to my cause. Yeah, it's a virus, and yeah, you've just gotta let it run its course. Oh, you say you've had it for a week? One of the doctors here had it for three weeks. Life's rough -- wear a helmet.

So, Day 9 and still counting. If that's not meltdown-worthy, I don't know what is.