More things I think I know

Sports Illustrated/HBO/NBC's Peter King -- noted latte lover, youth softball coach and NFL bon vivant -- has made his Monday Morning Quarterback column a weekly must-read for those of us with pigskin fever. His trademark feature (note: not actually trademarked) is "10 Things I Think I Think." Once again, I'm going to blatantly rip off Mr. King's bit with tonight's blog post, which I call "Sunday Night Quarterback, As In I Want My Quarter Back That I Bet On The Stinkin' Packers."

10 Things I Think I Know

1. I think I know who to blame for the Patriots-Packers matchup made in Heaven failing to materialize -- the TV writers. If not for the writers strike, the script for everybody's preferred Super Bowl matchup would have made its way to frigid Lambeau Field and the Giants would have curled into the fetal position and let the Packers march to victory. Shame on you, TV writers!

2. I think I know that Jeremy Shockey is the latest example of the Ewing Theory. Shockey has been ably replaced by rookie Kevin Boss, and Eli Manning has been displaying more confidence and seems more relaxed without the vociferous Shockey manhandling him in the huddle and on the sidelines. Right now, the Giants' cap expert has to be examining Shockey's buy-out clause with an eye on 2008.

3. I think I know that Al Harris needed more help. How many times today did Plaxico Burress absolutely abuse him in single coverage? Well, a peek at the stat sheet tells us it was 11 times for 154 yards. I seriously lost count of the number of times Milli (or is it Vanilli?) flopped around in Burress' wake. The only thing burned more than Harris' behind was Tom Coughlin's face. Hey Tom, look into some moisturizer this week.

4. I think I know that Coughlin didn't deserve to have his kicker win the game after he chewed him out on national TV for missing a 43-yard field goal attempt in brutal conditions. Lawrence Tynes missed a go-ahead field goal midway through the fourth quarter, and the cameras caught Coughlin barking at Tynes as the kicker slunk off the field. Hey Tommy Boy, Larry knows he missed the kick. Show a little of your reportedly improved people skills, look him in the eye and tell him to keep his head up because he'll get another chance to win it. Which he did. And sure, a high snap blew up the timing of the play, but Tynes pulled a Vanderjagt on his 36-yard attempt at the end of regulation. I'm guessing the only reason he was able to hit the game-winner in overtime was that the wind chill froze the lobe in his brain responsible for memory.

5. I think I know that Breffarve will be back. No way he could let the last pass of his career be an interception that cost his team a chance to go to the Super Bowl. But that won't be the deciding factor. He showed this year that he's still got plenty of gas in the tank and all that talk of his retirement was extremely premature. Now, get ready for four months of speculation before he holds a press conference at a golf course in Mississippi to announce that he will return in 2008.

6. I think I know that Phillip Rivers showed me something today. I still want to punch him in the face, but that was one gutty performance by a guy who knew he had to carry his team for them to even have a chance. With Tomlinson injured and Gates hobbled and the juggernaut Patriots threatening to put up points at will, the Chargers' only prayer was to get a solid game from Rivers, and that's exactly what he gave them. Well done, jerkface.

7. I think I know that the CBS studio crew showed their irrelevance when they called for Billy Volek at halftime. Maybe they've all been out of the game for too long, or maybe they are stuck on that whole "I have to say something memorable" thing, but for all of those so-called football experts to ignore the testicular fortitude Rivers was displaying was inconceivable.

8. I think I know that the previously invincible Patriots suddenly look vincible. Just a hunch, but 21 points won't get it done against the Giants, and you know Coughlin is already studying tapes of the Chargers defensive schemes. Specifically, they're trying to figure out how Randy Moss was kept under wraps, how Tom Brady looked human, and how whether they can neutralize Laurence Maroney while keeping the pressure on Brady and keeping the receivers covered.

9. I think I know that the opening Super Bowl line (Patriots by 13) will drop, significantly, before the game kicks off in two weeks. Bettors have been paying a Patriots tax for the last three months, but they've kept on paying it and kept on getting thumped (trust me, I know). The Giants have a lot of support out here as well, so as their fans' money starts to pour in and Patriots bettors begin to wake up, that line will drop to at least 11.

10. I think I know that the Twin Cities are the schadenfraude capital of the world right now. Man, it must be tough to lose a conference championship game at home as a heavy favorite on an overtime field goal. And because Packer fans were oh so gracious in the Vikings' darkest hour nine years ago, I'm guessing a few Lawrence Tynes jerseys might show up in the twin towns this week.